Memento Mori

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Seattle, Washington, United States
Professional Darling

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Trying to run but her mind just stays...

I started running to get away from my mind. I used to run up and down Elliot Avenue when the sun had already dipped below the horizon and I could see the beginning of the night. I used to marvel at the colours as they washed into eachother like a watercolour painting. I compared myself to the cup of water the paint brush used to wash off the vibrant blues and purples. The reds and orange. All the life of the world. I was the muddy brown colour. A little bit of everything but not one of anything. My moods would swirl around like the water, a whirlpool of anger, melancholy, frustration and sadness. Everything was always mixed, most of the time it still is.
I would be out of breath in a matter of blocks, but it wasn't about how fast I could run it, just that I could. That I was capable and for that thirty odd minutes I could hear nothing else but my sneakers hitting the pavement and my breath being forced in and out of my smokers lungs. That my mind let go of how he hurt me, or the loneliness that was my constant companion. My mind would clear itself of the hurt and confusion; the constant bipolar madness and sadness. I would lose myself in the painting of the world and the sounds of twilight and night birds.
When my hip went out, I had to stop running and that was it, I was stuck inside my head once more. It feels like it has been stuck ever since. Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. These days I find solace and comfort in different things but nothing will ever compare to the muddy brown water that helped wash everything away. The running away but at the same time running towards something that could one day be caught and held on to. I'm still running, just not in the way that I'm used to.
- G.
This Moist song has always been a favorite of mine and I daresay I am claiming it as my own. Take a moment and listen.


she goes down like rain
she goes down the hard way
spilling herself on your body

i wonder where you are tonight

just outside the dark
she waits by the highway
hopin to go
but her mind just stays

i wonder where you are tonight

ease into you ease into me
fell from the places
left to believe
all from the time
and time is what for
edress the weight
and bury the world
time will save
you come what may

she goes down like rain
she goes down the hard way
trying ot run
but her mind just stays
i wonder where you are tonight

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