Memento Mori

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Seattle, Washington, United States
Professional Darling

Monday, April 16, 2012

Elements of Vanilla and BDSM Sex in Opposite Lifestyles

 
If you've been living underneath a rock for the past 10 years or so, let me fill you in on a couple of things about me. I actively participate in the BDSM lifestyle and I am currently engaging in a semi-poly-full-time Master and slave relationship. I identify as a slave and masochist.

Last night I went and saw Titanic in IMAX 3-D. I have quite the thing for love stories and love on an epic and fantastical scale. I adore what love stands for in all of its many forms, so naturally having an opportunity to watch one of my comfort movies on the big screen, I jumped at the chance.  Anyways, I was enjoying the scene where Jack and Rose make love for the first time in the car down the cargo hold and it kinda hit me. Since "vanilla" people use elements of BDSM in their love lives to spice up the sex department do people that are into full time BDSM use elements of a completely "vanilla" sex as a variant to their somewhat extreme sex lives?

I've had some pretty intense scenes in my day and even now, but honestly, its not like just because I do like the extreme that I don't enjoy being held, caressed softly or believe it or not, taking the whole act of love slow. but I also wonder if I've pigeon-holed myself as a slave and as a masochist and therefore that is all that others see when they look at me? I wonder if anyone, even my Master can look at me and see someone that enjoys the more "plain-jane" and "vanilla" aspects of sexual relations?

I wonder if there is a threshold of just how much BDSM or how much "vanilla" we can take in our lives before we feel like we are stuck. So it just goes back to my initial question of, do full time BDSM relationships utilize completely vanilla techniques in an effort to change things up?

Would the sex scene in the car between Jack and Rose meant more if all Rose got on a daily basis were the face slappings and humiliation of Cal Hockley?  [for the purposes of this argument we are going to assume that Cal and Rose did have some sort of tenderness in their relationship.]



I suppose that if one is completely satisfied within the realm of their relationship then there wouldn't really be a need to explore the other end of the spectrum. I know that I am not satisfied with a purely vanilla sexual relationship but I also know that I cannot be fully satisfied with 100% BDSM aspects all the time. I mean, a slave needs sensual kissing and slow love-making every once in a while right?

I can't help but think that sometimes we categorize ourselves too much and end up missing out on other elements of intimacy because we become too comfortable in our stereotypes or we are afraid to speak up within our current roles. 

Regardless, like the rest of life, I believe that there is a balance that needs to be achieved and that the middle ground for that balance is different for all types of roles and relationships, but I still think that there is balance to be found somewhere.


3 comments:

  1. I agree, a balance is always the preferred goal. Often times it take a frequent re-evaluation of the things in our lives that bring us balance. Clear communication and a good understanding of who we are, are building blocks of finding this balance. As with almost anything else, too much of one thing can be bad, and often is not healthy. A mix of different ideas and styles will most often bring a more balanced result that we all wish for. I hope this helps :)

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