Memento Mori

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Seattle, Washington, United States
Professional Darling

Friday, December 9, 2011

A Short Rant

You know I'm more than a little sick of this whole bipolar thing. I have been trying my best to take care of myself and do the right thing but somehow I got off balance sometime in the past month and I'm having just the hardest time finding it again. It's annoying as fuck, to go the whole day feeling pretty fucking fantastic and then *BOOM* I drop -- and for the record, I ain't fucking dubstep. -- It's more than a little disheartening when it feels like everything you're doing isn't doing shit. My temper has been flaring up lately and in the evenings, as much as I don't want to admit it, I've been having these self-harming fantasies. I mean what the fuck? Where the hell does that come from? I'm over it all, I really am and I guess I have to step up my game now.

Soo...with that being said, I'm going to stop drinking and taking all unneccesary substances for the next week or two to see if that helps. I'm sure that drinking, which is a depressant, isn't helping my cause at all. I've already been tracking what I have been eating and have seen some nice progress in the way my clothes have been fitting already. It's kinda amazing what three pounds can do. While my legs and right hip are giving me problems again, I'm going to try and at least get out for a 30-60 minute walk everyday to try and make up for the fact that I take the bus to and from work now. Hopefully that will help me on my way to becoming more balanced.

Okay so this didn't turn out as ranty as I thought it would, at least I feel better now that I have a game plan.

1 comment:

  1. This has to be a difficult thing to deal with and I hope you find a happy medium that works well for you. I'm not bipolar but know quite a few folks that are and understand it can be a good day/bad day fluctuation. I'm the same way with my fibro and back issues but instead of it being a mental or psychological, mines all physical. Any form of mental or physical unstability can be disheartening and challenging day by day. I'm on meds that are supposed to make me gain weight, but fortunately I eat pretty healthy but I really need to lose some more weight. I can't do the gym or walk too much with my herniated discs and nerve damage--however, if you're interested, Jessica Higganbotham and I are going to start going swimming a couple of times a week. Possibly you'd be interested in that? (btw-this is celestial aka whippy)