Memento Mori

My photo
Seattle, Washington, United States
Professional Darling

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Twenty


Twenty


Goes the hour
goes the minute
mind left to wander
through labyrinths of gold
and locked doors to spoil.
She turns to greet
faces she doesn't know
with names she is all too familiar with.
Goes the day
and goes the months
eyes are open
even when they are closed.
slumber broken
by dreams that are only
there to hurt.
Screaming by goes the hour.
Blurred vision to 
satisfy even the moments that you despise.

Goes the day
goes the hour
goes the minute

 Gone is the moment.
Twenty.


Monday, December 19, 2011

The Bitch




Attachment.

Ignorance.

Petty Jealousy.

Stigma.

Sorrow.



**



What awaits in silence,

is often forgotten

when the day breaks the dawn

and sleep soothes the senses.



**



She may be forgotten,

but still she lingers here.

On the inside.

I choose to ignore her,

and the silly fantasy that she produces.



She waves her arms around,

to try and get me to notice,

her little temper tantrum and

the tone of her "comfort."

She beguiles my rationality, again.



She seduces me,

with her morality

and ambiguity.

Talking sweet to heighten my awareness.

I try to walk away

but time throws me to the floor.

Weeping I push her away

and tell her, "No more!"

Friday, December 9, 2011

A Short Rant

You know I'm more than a little sick of this whole bipolar thing. I have been trying my best to take care of myself and do the right thing but somehow I got off balance sometime in the past month and I'm having just the hardest time finding it again. It's annoying as fuck, to go the whole day feeling pretty fucking fantastic and then *BOOM* I drop -- and for the record, I ain't fucking dubstep. -- It's more than a little disheartening when it feels like everything you're doing isn't doing shit. My temper has been flaring up lately and in the evenings, as much as I don't want to admit it, I've been having these self-harming fantasies. I mean what the fuck? Where the hell does that come from? I'm over it all, I really am and I guess I have to step up my game now.

Soo...with that being said, I'm going to stop drinking and taking all unneccesary substances for the next week or two to see if that helps. I'm sure that drinking, which is a depressant, isn't helping my cause at all. I've already been tracking what I have been eating and have seen some nice progress in the way my clothes have been fitting already. It's kinda amazing what three pounds can do. While my legs and right hip are giving me problems again, I'm going to try and at least get out for a 30-60 minute walk everyday to try and make up for the fact that I take the bus to and from work now. Hopefully that will help me on my way to becoming more balanced.

Okay so this didn't turn out as ranty as I thought it would, at least I feel better now that I have a game plan.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Untitled



† "the darkness fades to light, i know You're always right, because i belong to you." †

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Intuition



Intuition


I wait in darkness.
Knees folded under me and my hands resting lightly on my thighs.
Head bowed, eyes closed.
Patience.
A calm washes over my head
and even though I am shrouded in darkness,
I can find Him like my eyes were wide open.