Memento Mori

My photo
Seattle, Washington, United States
Professional Darling

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I Believe This Is The End, Beloved.

Open


What we had was nothing short of magnificent. I can look back now at all the time we spent together and no longer feel the regret of being in your arms. My regret born out of the intensity of pain and perceived helplessness. I have lost it somewhere behind me and I am thankful to be moving on. I can look back on it and marvel at what you made me feel and what you helped me achieve. The good times, the bad ones and all of those ones inbetween. Two years of love and laughter. Two years of happiness. How lucky I am to have ever been through so much with you. To hear your voice call my name, to hear your voice proclaim your love. My heart yearns to find that again, to feel that intensity. I am not longer afraid of opening my heart.

I hope that one day you find her, that one that's meant to be. No longer do I feel the pain, of her not being me.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Goodbye Social Life!

Well it looks like I'm doing it. I've gotten myself a part-time job in the evenings. It doesn't pay nowhere near what I make now, but it should help me save about $800 - $1,000 a month. Yay!!

Monday, July 25, 2011

† Vancouver Valentine †

I've almost completed my 4th issue of my zine Ava Dementia. I've called this issue, Vancouver Valentine because of the Vancouver imagery and well, I've fallen in love with the city again. Full of poetry and some random stuff thrown in there as well. 16 pages half-sized.

I'd like to offer my blog readers a free copy if they send me their address. Please email me at:

gennifer dot holland at gmail dot com

and let me know that you saw this post.

- G.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Spring





Spring

It was staring straight at me.
It was real and alive for that moment
The scene,
the view inside my heart
…realized
Sparkling city lights,
punctuated by stars
and you brought me to it
like you could see it within me.
You made it come to life.

I could have stood on that ledge forever.
Watching, waiting.
Day turn to night,
and night back to day.
Standing and waiting.
Summer's Lust to Autumn's Bliss.
Perhaps the frozen touch of Winter's Kiss.

You found my heart's true love
and I bet you didn't even know it.
How precious that moment was,
or the relief that it gave me.
Just what I needed to feel again.
Started my heart beating again.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

So Long, Farewell.




If you've been around me at all in the past month or so, you'll have noticed that I have been taking more frequent visits to Vancouver. I've been scouting it out so to speak because I am/was toying around with the idea of moving back.


I have decided that I want to be back in Vancouver by October of 2012. This wasn't an easy decision but one that I hope many of you will support. I am torn between two equally wonderful worlds.


Seattle was the world I escaped to. I married young and when that didn't work out, I chose to stay because of my job and later a wonderful man. Well I'm single and my job has become stagnant. Even though I continually am promoted and receive regular raises I don't feel like I am moving up fast enough for my liking. I have and will continue to have so many wonderful friends that have become like family to me. People that have helped me so much in my life in so many ways. My heart aches for leaving them, and I wish I could bring you all with me. My parents aren't getting any younger and I want to be close to them even though we are in two provinces.


The city that I made my home for the past 7 years is not the one that I wish to continue living in. I believe that I have gone as far as I can here, and I'm ready to conquer Vancover once again. I'm ready to close this book of my life here in Seattle and start a new one in Vancouver. It hurts me terribly to be at the end of this book, but it has a happy ending.

Vancouver will always hold my heart wherever I go. It is this hold on me that pulls my strings and pulls me up north. It is the promise of something different and something unique. I will return to my "home and native land" a changed person. A woman that has had so many wonderful experiences and has learned lesson after lesson about who she is, and how she works. Seattle was my catalyst but I must always go forward and to follow my heart.


I love you all so much.


Now no sad faces. Things happen and minds change and obstacles are always put in our way. A year is a long time and one that I am determined to make the most out of. Won't you help me make the most of it?


As I sit here, tears roll down my cheeks, but there is a smile across my face. My decision is the definition of bittersweet.










~ G.






Saturday, July 9, 2011

For D.

Arms
by Christina Perri

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart

But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I'm home

How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth
And I've never opened up
I've never truly loved 'Till you put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go


I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

You put your arms around me and I'm home