Memento Mori

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Seattle, Washington, United States
Professional Darling

Friday, June 17, 2011

This Home Sweet Home

Ever since the end of the Stanley Cup finals and then after watching the end of the riots that damaged my hometown, I am been struck with such an empty feeling and the feeling that my heart has shattered. Watching the fires and the looting and the destruction really made me realize just how much I not only love Vancouver, but how much I miss it.

I used to joke that there were only two things keeping me in Seattle. My beloved, and my job. Well my beloved and I haven't been together in almost 10 months and my job is starting to fade into this mundane existance that I no longer enjoy as much as I used to. I miss the beauty of Vancouver and I miss my friends back home and believe it or not, I miss that part of my family that does live there. I miss being a Canadian in a country of Canadians and I miss the genuine togetherness that I feel when I am up there.

My impromptu trip up to Vancouver this weekend was a combination of a few things. First of all, I feel like my sanity is quickly slipping away from me. I feel like I don't have solid ground to stand on and that I'm screaming and no one even looks in my direction. I feel like I'm drowning in my own emotions. Even though I know that being back in Vancouver will no doubtedly open the floodgates of my emotions and feelings, perhaps this is all needed. Maybe I need to purge it all. In the least, I want to reconnect with my hometown and all the people that I hold dear. I'm also going to Vancouver to check out the job market.
I'm bracing myself for that moment when the car is across the border and I take a breath of air that is Canadian. Although there might be no difference to you, my lungs know the difference and my heart will tell me I am home. I just hope that I can hold it together for the sake of K. who is driving me. No doubtedly the tears will fall when I am back in my homeland. It isn't so far away, but my spirit and my heart feels its distance when I am gone.






So home I go.


Vancouver, my dear.


The streets I shall roam,


with eyes full of tears.


A smile I shall save.


For when I depart.


Vancouver, my dear.


Always in my heart.

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