Memento Mori

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Seattle, Washington, United States
Professional Darling

Monday, June 27, 2011


I couldn't find my post secrets on my Livejournal. The feed skipped it. I found them though. And this one made me cry more than it should have.

It's like truth and fantasy all rolled into one. You don't know what to believe and then you do. You want to be truthful, but sometimes I would rather you lied.

I'm still not sure how I I feel about you.

Friday, June 17, 2011

This Home Sweet Home

Ever since the end of the Stanley Cup finals and then after watching the end of the riots that damaged my hometown, I am been struck with such an empty feeling and the feeling that my heart has shattered. Watching the fires and the looting and the destruction really made me realize just how much I not only love Vancouver, but how much I miss it.

I used to joke that there were only two things keeping me in Seattle. My beloved, and my job. Well my beloved and I haven't been together in almost 10 months and my job is starting to fade into this mundane existance that I no longer enjoy as much as I used to. I miss the beauty of Vancouver and I miss my friends back home and believe it or not, I miss that part of my family that does live there. I miss being a Canadian in a country of Canadians and I miss the genuine togetherness that I feel when I am up there.

My impromptu trip up to Vancouver this weekend was a combination of a few things. First of all, I feel like my sanity is quickly slipping away from me. I feel like I don't have solid ground to stand on and that I'm screaming and no one even looks in my direction. I feel like I'm drowning in my own emotions. Even though I know that being back in Vancouver will no doubtedly open the floodgates of my emotions and feelings, perhaps this is all needed. Maybe I need to purge it all. In the least, I want to reconnect with my hometown and all the people that I hold dear. I'm also going to Vancouver to check out the job market.
I'm bracing myself for that moment when the car is across the border and I take a breath of air that is Canadian. Although there might be no difference to you, my lungs know the difference and my heart will tell me I am home. I just hope that I can hold it together for the sake of K. who is driving me. No doubtedly the tears will fall when I am back in my homeland. It isn't so far away, but my spirit and my heart feels its distance when I am gone.

So home I go.

Vancouver, my dear.

The streets I shall roam,

with eyes full of tears.

A smile I shall save.

For when I depart.

Vancouver, my dear.

Always in my heart.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

30 Days in More than 30 - Topic #6 - Your Day [or how I drag it off topic]

My day started like all work days started before it. The alarm goes off and I press snooze. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning sometimes. It is especially hard when I barely get any sleep the night before be it from my own doing or just my body deciding that it doesn't want to go to sleep.

I got up and got ready to go to work. This entails straightening my hair, washing my face, brushing my teeth, putting on three pounds of make-up and five pounds of black clothing. Today I wore my favorite work skirt, a black blouse and a pair of knee socks with a purple and pink argyle design.

I try to leave the house by eight-twenty so I have enough time to stop and get a cup of coffee. I always listen to my iPod on the way in and try not to start dancing in the middle of the sidewalk. Sometimes I don't feel like walking all the way to work, so I'll just have a smoke and walk up to Bell street to catch the bus to take me the rest of the way. I always go to the Starbucks in Benaroya Hall and they always write my name on the cup. This morning I had a Grande Americano.

When I got to work I promptly spilled half of my Americano down my blouse. Needless to say, I smell like coffee. Then I worked until my lunch hour and I then went out and got some sushi…

FUCK! This really is a boring subject isn't it? Tonight I'm headed off to the bar with some friends to watch game 4 of the Stanley Cup finals. Vancouv-ah Canucks versus the Boston Bruins. Strangely I really enjoy watching hockey now because it isn't forced upon me like it was in that other lifetime. I'll never be into it, into it, but I most certainly will be a typical Vancouver fan…you know, jump on that bandwagon. *lol* I'm having fun learning more about the game, or should I say, remembering more about the game. It helps to be at a bar with a cold beer and some good friends. :)

The rest of my day will be kept busy with housework and other random things. Perhaps I'll just go to bed early for once…nah!