Memento Mori

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Seattle, Washington, United States
Professional Darling

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Reflections on a Sunday

The ice is starting to thaw and perhaps the Winter that took over my body and more specifically my heart is turning to the Spring. It's hard to admit that to myself and harder to admit out in the open.

Yesterday felt like a Sunday because of the holiday and I decided to have a "reality check." I watched some of my favorite movies that make me feel. Those movies that make my heart hurt and my eyes water with both frustration and this intense desireto feel something internally. I have quite a few movies that I tend to watch to make this happen, and you may decide to laugh at me for my choices and although I feel no desire and no need to defend my choices, I would like to talk about them.

The Sex and the City movie. If you haven't actually seen this movie and just think that it’s the normal dibble that the TV show spouted, then you can just move on and skip this part. I don't really want to give a whole plot synopsis, but basically John jilts Carrie at the altar. After all that they had been through together throughout the original series it was really nice to get the "happily ever after" ending at the conclusion of the final season on TV and through the beginning of the movie you see just how happy they are together after going through all of that hurt and heartache. For actors they really have some amazing chemistry and made me believe in the relationship that was John and Carrie. When Carrie and company arrive late to the library where the wedding is taking place, there is this amazing scene where she is told that John isn't there yet. A look crosses Carrie's face and although you know what is going to happen next, you cross your fingers that it doesn't. When a phone call to Mr. Big yields the information that no, her groom is not coming, I can feel her devastation. The rest of the movie pulls out all of my sympathy and places it on Carrie as she does her best to move on with her life although you know that John is never too far from her mind. The heartbreak feels so real to me and it reminds me of my own devastation. [of course said movie has a happy ending and if it weren't for the fact that Carrie and Big get back together and get married I probably wouldn't watch this movie at all]

However, movies are movies and I can't help but wonder what percentage of the population actually does get back together after a break up? Perhaps I need to put some research into this.

I'm very much surprised that I haven't died of a heart attack. That feeling one gets when the news is bad. That pain, piercing and tormented emotion that flows through me is unbearable. You can't breathe and maybe you have to throw up. One minute you're fine and the next you are in absolute hysterics. Having someone to catch you when you fall is probably the most important thing in life. Unless of course you like hitting the ground and becoming a bloody mess. A word from the wise, we don't bounce as easily as you think.

The second movie I watched is Moulin Rouge. I like this movie because of the music and the costumes and well, Christian and Satine. Love doomed from the beginning, but love they faithfully pursued despite the obstacles of Ziedler and that motherfucker Patron. [I can't remember his name at the moment.] Then there are the supporters of their love that want it see it succeed and offer the couple any sort of help that they can to see them through. Satine's life of course, is dependant on the Moulin Rouge, which of course the deed is now in the hands of the Patron so she is pulled every which way that she can be pulled. Fighting for her life as her career and life as Christian, her life as love, and maybe most importantly, her life as life. Satine suffers from Tuberculosis and her days are pretty much numbered which makes her decisions as to what she does even that more important. Does she live for love?

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. ~ Eden Ahbez

It's all so beautiful, it really is. Seeing it in movies and all around me.

It makes my heart ache, but at least it is alive. Thaw quickly my heart, to love is to thrive.


  1. "Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come." Your post made me think of this quote I just saw today.

  2. Lol, maybe I need to see the Sex and the City movie, sounds like something I might enjoy (as long as it makes sense without having watched the whole serious)

    However, I'm not a huge fan of Moulin Rouge. I love the part where they've turned Roxanne into a Tango, but otherwise the story just didn't do it for me.

    I don't watch movies when I'm having a bad day, I tend to end up neurotically cleaning house. But whenever I end up doing an all-day movie marathon, for any reason, the movies on my list tend to include Garden State, Amelie, and often Princess Mononoke.