So it all begins again. This past Friday I was crowned, Ms. Gothic Seattle 2011. As silly as this sounds, it was the culmination of a lot of hard work. Growing, being, acceptance. I don't know who I was a year ago, or why she came to manifest herself in me. I'm not sure how I managed to purge myself of behaviours, unbecoming, but I did.
I'm looking forward to spending the next year of my "reign" helping to make the Seattle Gothic Community even better than it is. To get back to things I miss, like promoting and putting on events. Getting involved and getting myself out there is my long term goal and one I believe I will be successful in.
I've been doing a lot of contemplating lately. Bringing memories to the surface and analyzing the feelings I have left. There are still some movies that I cannot watch and some places where I dare not tread, but for the most part, my heart has healed. I keep her locked up tight, so that no one can get to her save my family and friends. Life is easier that way, and perhaps at some point I shall unlock the door and allow her to roam free. My spirit is content for the moment, but there are times where I feel myself wandering, and feel a not quite jealousy for what others have that I do not. I try to remember that this is my choosing, and that happiness is something that we all deserve. My jealousy fades quite quickly, when I remember how happy I want you to be.
And so it all begins again. My intent to blog more and to get everything documented. I have a book in the works and I daresay that my blog will make it easier to write it. Spring is coming and with it a renewal. The layers peel back and I can see how shiny everything is. How I'm new again but knowing all that I have learned from silly mistakes and heartbreak. Repentance and forgiveness. Beauty in my darkness.