Memento Mori

My photo
Seattle, Washington, United States
Professional Darling

Friday, July 30, 2010






She wants to be caned so that she welts, so that she's marked, so he melts.




Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Don't Deliver Her from Bondage... or Self-Exploration in Three Parts

This next post deals with sex.
There are no names.
I am the only one involved.
Nothing is implied if it isn't stated.


I'm sitting on my bed and I'm wide awake. It's just past midnight and I need to get up in seven and a half hours to get ready to go to work. For some reason the neighbours above me have their TV on full blast and all I can hear are the voices of infomercials. Yes I realize that its late, but it isn't late enough to be hocking your slap chop or Snuggies made out of Sham-WoW's. [by the way, I made that up, yes I did.] Perhaps the sounds I'm hearing are not the TV at all, instead just the fuzzy din of the TV inside my head. I suppose it could be worse, the could be having sex.

My neighbours like to have loud sex that annoys the fuck out of me. [no pun intended] I usually don't hear it until she's gasping for air and repeating the porno sounds she hears on that loud TV. You don't hear her partner at all and you don't hear any form of banging proceeding it. Sometimes I wonder if she's just making it up. When it goes on a little longer than I am comfortable with, I scramble to turn on music from my laptop to drown out the mechanical sounds of what has to be a boring sex life.

I've been thinking about sex a lot lately which doesn't surprise me but instead of thinking about cock in my mouth, I'm thinking about where I fit into the world of roles and role playing. Seeking answers about my sexuality and asking about a million questions to no one in particular.

Let's look at the facts shall we? I'm bisexual but have never been in a relationship with a woman. My first touch of a woman's tongue on mine was enough to convince me that oh hell yeah, I liked the girls too. [she was a cute little punk rock girl with a tongue stud and hips to die for.] Fact #2 - I like the cock as well. It wasn't until I got into my late 20's that I realized exactly how much of a sexual person I was and just how enjoyable that sex could be. Fact #3 - I'm also a rape survivor and that there is enough said. I think that those three things are the constants and things that shape aspects of my sexuality, everyone's really. Those are the basics.

-End of Part I-



Monday, July 12, 2010

Ava Dement1a #4 - Who Will Save Your Soul? [Part II]

Taken from my Livejournal.
Originally Published
May 3rd, 2010
This is the electronic version of my zine, Ava Dement1a.

Hostage, My Heart

In my head, he talks about me.
How crazy I am.
How stupid I am.
He's not quite sure why he is
with me, When she can't even read a book in a week.
Weak.
Weakness.
I fall, knees breaking
Cry.
Tear.
Tied up and helpless.
I'm dreaming once again and keeping him awake.
Crying, Moaning and Whimpering.
How can I tell you just how much my head thinks you hate me?
I'm not sure I could convey
the way that it feels,
to be at the mercy of the insecurity
and that stupid pain that lives in my head.
But somehow,
has hostage, my heart.


Ava Dement1a #4 - Who Will Save Your Soul? [Part I]

Taken from my Livejournal.
Originally Published
May 3rd, 2010
This is the electronic version of my zine, Ava Dement1a.



I don't need gills
I don't want to be the one to pull you down.
Down to where I am.
These depths are haunting.
Hypnotic to the ear, to the eye and to the heart.

Swift arms grab pieces of me,
and drag them down.
Pull them to the sea to drown.
Kicking and pulling at nothing.
Water rushing through my fingers
and I cannot hold onto anything.

Drowning is nice because you
Can only hear your screams,
muffled by the water.
Not all that dangerous on its own
but when it all gets together,
It quickly swarms over your head,
and is welcomed into your throat.
Reluctantly at first
and then with the utmost abandon.





Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Pour Vous


While reading her blog, I just started singing. This one is for you.


Lolita - Mustard Plug



Lolita,
I wanna meet ya
I wanna take you in my arms and squeeze ya,
'cause you amaze me,
Ya really slay me
And every touch just drives me crazy.

But the world won't accept the way I feel,
And the man says that our love ain't real.
If only our love, they could only see,
But today our love can never be.

Every time that we're together
I get the feeling that it's never been better
Your love just blows me away.
Tell me that you're thinkin' of me
And that you put no one else above me,
I need ya baby right now!

Lolita,
Since I met ya,
Girl you know I could never forget ya.
And I know now,
I'm making my vow,
That we're gunna be together somehow.

But the world won't accept the way I feel,
And the man says that our love ain't real.
If only our love, they could only see,
But today our love can never be.

Every time that we're together
I get the feeling that it's never been better
Your love just blows me away.
Tell me that you're thinkin' of me
And that you put no one else above me,
I need ya baby right now!

Every time that we're together
I get the feeling that it's never been better
Your love just blows me away.
Tell me that you're thinkin' of me
And that you put no one else above me,
I need ya baby right now!


Nothing like my old punk days.

I'm not at all satisfied at where my life is headed with the exception of a few things. I would really like to start today over as well. That is all.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Revelation has been realized in its entirety.
Nothing fades and all is bright surrounding my vision.
Vision as to see.
And vision as to behold: perfection?