The theme of friendship has been running around in my head for a couple of days now. At the oddest moments, someone who has impacted my life will pop in and as soft as a whisper, drift out.
I've been thinking about how I was when I was a late teen and early 20-something. How the world seemed conquerable, how dreams were unlimited, and how my soul would often take these flights of fancy. Odd little hobbies, strange friendships I didn't think would last and most importantly having real life dreams and goals for the future.
I'm nearing the end of my twenties. This year I will turn 28 and although to some this may seem young, I feel like I have gained so much in my short time upon this earth. The one single thing, that I can think of, that has been consistent through it all, were/are my friends.
When I was really quite young, I never had a lot of friends. I was always the odd one out, chubby and a mama's girl; I didn't even pick out my own clothes until I reached Jr. High. Perhaps this had an impact on my popularity status, but as much as I would have killed to fit in back then, I formed long, lasting friendships with people who were genuine, loving and kind. They appreciated my honesty, and sense of humour. Those girls back then were just like me. Loners [for the most part], never wore the latest fashions. We had wonderful times on the playground making up stories of the Emerald City [Wizard of Oz], or pretending we were sisters. In a way we were, and in a way we still are.
Fast forward to now, 2009. Right now in my life, I have the single most largest group of friends that I have ever had. My social anxiety is now non-existent. Oh the days that I would have to go somewhere like the mall or out with people and I would have to force myself to do it. I was uncomfortable with strangers. Hell, I couldn't even order a pizza. Those days seem so far behind me now. I remember the first time I ever stepped foot in the Mercury. Oh God was I nervous. It was me and another and we came pretty early and sat at that one table that is near the rest rooms, but not between them. I sat there chain smoking and barely talking, afraid my fellow Goths would pull me away or enact some sort of weird justice on me, for absolutely nothing. I didn't dance that first time, nor did I enjoy myself that much. Now, you want me to go to the Merc? Hell yeah!! And I can tell you how I met each and every one of the people that I am here with. I can even tell you about the people that I know that are playing pool, the ones on the dance floor, those people in the corner. They are not acquaintances, because I know about their lives, and they know about mine. The single best thing I have ever done, was invite people to come out to the Social Club.
There have been so many people that have consistently been there for me, constantly helped me, that it has been mind boggling.
I love you all, from the deepest parts of my heart. Those parts that haven't been touched by the pettiness of envy, the emptiness of greed or the acidity of sorrow. I love you from the purest, most unending parts of my heart. The love is indifferent, unconditional, and unyielding in its touch. It loves you, all parts of you, and adores the friendship that you have bestowed upon it - generously. To feel your friendship, is to know it is true.